My Baby Girls

I know that Britain is no longer small... she's really not even a baby anymore! But in my mind, she will always be that tiny little baby I rocked in our tiny little Cody, Wyoming apartment, with her little fists held right by her face. Her little legs curled up close to her body, and her tiny stretching barely strong enough to push against my cradling arms. I can't believe she is approximately three feet tall, and 35 lbs. I can't understand why picking her up hurts my back, and at story time, it kills me that she doesn't really fit on my lap in the rocking chair comfortably.

But I am blessed. She is so healthy, so happy and full of life. She has more energy than any person I know and she beams with joy (most of the time). She is my whole world, even when she makes me want to pull my hair out. I love her so much.

I thought I couldn't love anyone as much as I love her....

But some how I do. I already love the tiny body in my tummy. The little personality that likes to wedge between my hips and snuggle in. I love the tiny feet that kick when anyone invades her space, and the head that avoids any contact with any pressure (including ultrasound tools). I love that this little girl was sitting cross-legged and facing in. I like to think that means she'll be cuddly when she's born.

I love watching Britain's cute face beam with excitement as she tries to understand if "her" baby is in mommy's tummy, or Britain's tummy... (Because after she has dinner, sometimes it's hard to tell!) I love that Britain respects that the crib is for the baby, and that she worries when babies are sad. I love that she seems so concerned about what the baby will do, even though the concept must still be somewhat abstract.

When we found out our second baby was a girl I was shocked. I had just known that it was boy! I had a name, I had a clothing budget. I even painted Britain's room green so she could share with what I knew would soon be a little brother! But it's a girl! I was so shocked over being wrong that I couldn't really get excited, I felt like I let Brandon down by not willing it to be a boy for him. He on the other hand, seemed happy and excited. (I'm so lucky to have him too!) So here's my point. I love that my little sister took the time to explain how grateful she has been over having our other sister so close to her age. She explained how they can talk about stuff, and support each other. And I've noticed, they even share clothes. I am so grateful that my Britain can have that relationship with a sister close to her age. I hope they are best friends and always there to support each other.

After getting over my initial shock. I am happy to report, that I am absolutely thrilled to be blessed with two girls in a row.

I love my sweet daughters more than I can express. And I'm so thankful for the wonderful husband that I share them with.

Vent

Should I be writing on my blog right now? No. I need to be doing statistics but I am just in a bad mood. I had a terrible nightmare last night about zombies and it was horrible. I was so scared, my "real" mom was Jamie Lee Curtis, she sacrificed herself to the zombies, but then once she was dead after trying to draw them away from our house, my mom (Paula, so like switch to more real life feelings) offered to kill me with some kind of injection so I wouldn't be scared any more... And Kalen, in all seriousness was sitting on the couch telling me that he was proud of me for trying to become less sensitive to violence and gore through this experience. It was bizzare! And horrible and a really bad way to start the day.
Then Britain kinked her neck somehow, and has been lounging in bed because we don't know how else to help her. And gosh danngit, I'm just not being a good nurturing mom today.
Plus there is a tiny little puppy down the street, the mom is only a 5 pound dog, so you can imagine that the 7 week old puppy is pretty tiny too. I WANT IT. I'm frustrated that I want it because I never want puppies, and brandon told me he doesn't like that kind of puppy, so I'm pouting. Not that we could even afford a puppy or live with a puppy til we buy a house. But still. I don't like being told no.
Anyway, Britain is cranky, and needy, and I am cranky. I will get over it, I just want to day dream about my future house and how it will feel and look and function. Sigh. Until then, I'll do homework I guess.

Catching up

I'm pregnant! Which pretty much everyone knows since I spilled the beans on facebook this week with this cute little girl in her announcement photo :)

So I'm excited, Brandon is excited, Britain seems to think she's excited and loves to poke her tummy to tell me things about the baby (i.e. "baby sad" "baby hungry") but she makes sure to specify that it is the baby with feelings-not the Britain. It is pretty cute. 

I'm 14 weeks now, and dying for my ultrasound to find out the gender. I am trying so hard to be patient, but it might just kill me to wait another 6 weeks. I'm really hoping my doctor just goes nuts and lets me come back sooner than that...

So far, I've had insane dreams, nothing terrifying like my dreams were with Britain, just weird... Like my mom suddenly being pregnant with twins right now, and I was annoyed. Not sure why. Or dreaming that Brandon was the one who had back surgery instead of my mother... Or dreaming that my feet were asleep so badly that I couldn't even feel them. Weird random stuff that seems to revolve a lot around bodies. Oh and I totally dreamed I slept through church... Missed primary and everything... I woke up stressed that morning.

In other news, Britain is FINALLY working back into a sleep pattern that is manageable. I told her tonight that she had to lay still in her own bed until daddy left for work before I would come lay with her. She was asleep before he left! Point for mommy! She seems to wake up too early, (except on days that I want to use her as my alarm...) so I've decided that she isn't allowed to leave her room before 8 am. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I just need that stability. For a few days this has worked well. I hope it lasts. 

Brandon is incredibly kind to me, always patient and loving even when I definitely do not deserve the patience. It has been so good to know he is my constant in everything. 

School is kicking my trash, but I'm happy and content with my decision to only take 9 credits this semester. It keeps me busy, but I don't find myself choosing between being a mom and a student. I can handle both well with this load. I'm grateful for the unique circumstances that I have to attend school and still be a homemaker. I'm very blessed.

Today Brandon asked me if I miss working. It was such a relief to realize that I don't! Occasionally I miss the reward of watching my bank account grow with each paycheck. I miss that feeling. I sometimes miss the forced schedule that I maintained while I worked, but being a mom is what I want. And even though it has taken some time to become comfortable in my life, I am the happiest I have ever been and I'm so grateful for a hard working husband who makes my life possible.